Dream Fulfilled - Part 2
(Chinese version available below)
Ever since I landed a job at an animation studio I had been so busy I hadn’t really had the time to sit down and think through my dream chasing journey. It was until I was forced (by my mentor) into writing a reflection, I sat down and reflected on the emotions and experience of a dream fulfilled.
I will be sharing the topic over two blogs, one event at a time. Enjoy!
What Can Really Hurt a Writer
I think what hurts me the most as a writer, is when a story I wrote with my heart and soul is criticised and judged.
I have loved creating stories since I was young. Be it a comic strip or a novel, I was always in my room alone working on some sort of story in my little world. Everyday after school, I looked most forward to the ‘playtime’ with my stuffed toys. I would hold the camera, and act out scenes with the dolls together with my sister, and show them to my friends and family. I enjoyed this movie making process, and wished that one day I could create something that would inspire my audiences.
I am grateful to have met my mentor, whom I learnt script writing from. Eventually, I began writing scripts and screenplays professionally. It was then I knew how different it was writing for myself and writing for an audience.
I never had to pitch my stories to anyone, I just wrote whatever I liked. I am not eloquent, and I squirmed at the word ‘pitch’. Before pitching to my mentor, I became so nervous my heart pounded like it was trying to jump out of my throat. When my script was judged, I couldn’t help but feel judged personally. Sometimes if it was worse, I felt like my world and everything I believed in was denied.
Sheets after sheets of screenplays were thrown into the bin, and pages and pages were reworked and rewritten. My mentor was kind and patient with me, but I was very upset with myself. I began to doubt my ability to become a content creator. Then a question came to me: If no one would read my stories, would I still write? I could honestly answer I wouldn’t. The reason I began to write was because I wanted to inspire others.
Instead of being sulky and miserable, I changed my perspective of this matter. If writing was so easy, then script writers would not be a profession. My mentor once told me to write a good story, I first have to know stories. If my goal was to inspire others, then I have to study what inspired people. Be observant, keen and curious of things happening around the world. Learn to plan out a plot that could move emotions and capture memorable moments. Watch movies made by masters, and analyse why they touched my heart.
So I began to humbly expand my horizon, to know more about people, and what made them laugh and cry. This was challenging for an introvert, but as I started to hear more stories, my library grew. I gathered an interesting fact that our up-bringing, culture and teachings can be vastly different, but our emotions and feelings are fundamentally the same. Those differences that triggered a unified emotion was what increased my story library. The saying ‘life is like a movie’ renders true. Then I discovered the secret: There are no bad stories, just stories that aren’t written well.
Today, I still felt extremely nervous when pitching a script, and I don’t think it is a feeling I could brush off easily. But if I want to become a great writer, then I have to overcome my biggest fear.
作家的最大的挫敗感
我認為一個作家最大的挫敗感，就是嘔心瀝血寫了的故事被別人批評到一文不值。
自小就很喜歡寫故事。不論是畫漫畫或是寫小說，我就是會躲在房裡在自己小宇宙歷險的那個小朋友。放學回家最期待的就是幫我班「毛公仔團」拍戲。我和妹妹以大導演身份，一隻手拿著相機攝錄，另一隻手把自創的故事用毛公仔演繹出來，然後把戲播給家人看。長大後我依然抱著故事創作的熱誠，希望有天能寫出感化別人的作品。
很感恩能遇到 Sunny，跟他學動畫電影的故事編劇，甚至有幾會編寫小劇本。可是過程一點都不容易。以前作的故事重來都不用 pitch 的，可以隨心所欲。可是寫作成為了專業後很不一樣。每次要把寫好的故事 pitch 給 Sunny 聽時，我個心跳到好像要從我口中逃離現場那樣。The stories I create are a part of me (找不到更好的中文表達意思）。我寫的故事一次又一次被拒絕，又被要求重寫，那個打擊彷彿是自己相信的世界被人推翻了。
寫故事已不再是小時候的玩樂。我寫的稿弄掉了無數次。Sunny 很有耐性，很鼓勵我，但我對自己很失望，開始質疑自己是否作家材料。要寫出能感化別人的作品這個想法越來越遠。有天，我心想：如果這世界沒有人看我的作品，我會否繼續寫故事呢？想了一會，坦白地承認我不會。始終故事是寫給人看的。我不擅長說話，自己寫作的初衷就是想向別人表達自己的感受。
於是我把挫折換了個角度看。故事創作是一門很深奧的學問，而我只是剛開始認識。Sunny 曾跟我說：如果我想用故事去感化別人，首先我要學懂怎樣寫。要了解一個完整故事的鋪排技巧，考究如何能讓觀眾看得明白，怎樣的情節能帶動情緒，才可以把我想傳遞的訊息成功用畫面表達出來。Sunny 也時常強調要多參考好的創作，觀察周圍的事物，了解人的心理才會寫到好故事。「人生就是一場戲」這句話不陌生。我們的成長與經歷，日常生活的溝通裏其實隱藏了千千萬萬個小故事。
我便虛心地從零開始。奇妙的是當我主動與別人交談，了解他們的故事和內心世界時，我的題材和靈感豐富了。我發現寫故事的樂趣不限於寫作上，還會在我的生活上添多了點色彩，廣闊了我的視野。大家的經歷可能很不一樣，但是情感很相似。我開始領會到這世上沒有沒人看的故事，只有寫不好的故事。
今日，我在 Sunny 面前 pitch 劇本都是緊張到好想逃離現場。十年後可能我的心情都不會變。可是，如果我目標是寫出感化別人的故事，那我必定要克服作家最大的挫敗感。